


just one person, just one name

by stardustgirl



Series: Rebels Oneshots [47]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Battle of Scarif, Coping, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kanan Jarrus Lives, Mandalorian Culture, Post-Battle of Scarif, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Scarif, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Survivor Guilt, Tumblr Prompt, Tumblr: swrrequests, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 10:25:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: Prompt fill for the following prompt from swrrequests: "Imagine if Ezra had volunteered to be part of the Rogue One team and when the casualty report finally gets back to Yavin 4, the crew has to see Ezra’s name on it. Just one name among hundreds."





	just one person, just one name

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Heavy subject matter, check the tags.

Just one name.  Just one name on a list.

She shouldn’t be this upset over it, it’s just  _ one name. _

But it’s his.

* * *

She can’t cry.  Can’t, can’t, can’t.  It’s not just that it’s not Mandalorian, not  _ manda, _ not  _ mandokarla, _ but that it’s just  _ one name. _  Just  _ one person. _

Still.

She thinks of all the times he had her back on missions.

And then of how she should have had his back on this one.

And she didn’t.

* * *

Jokingly, he says that maybe he’ll actually get some sleep now that the kid is gone.  It’s the wrong thing to say, he knows, their reactions just make that clearer to him.

But if he doesn’t joke, then he’ll succumb to the pain and despair that nearly overcame him after Lasan, too.

He continues to joke, but not around them.

Just one person, one Jedi, one boy.

If that’s true, then why does it still hurt so much?

* * *

Without him, the droid will be able to actually get things  _ done _ on the ship.

But the astromech registers how distraught they all are.

The astromech recalls the oil bath the young organic gave him once, not as a reward for a job well done but simply because he had been bored and they’d had some spare oil lying around for once.

Chirping in a low tone, the droid nudges her leg, rumbling pleasantly as she reaches an absent hand down to rub the top of the dome.

One meatbag is gone, only one of them.

Just one.

And the astromech, much as it’s denied, contains the logic to understand the reason their captain declines all missions for a few weeks.

The droid tries and helps.  After all, a good astromech can go for a couple of weeks without requesting an oil bath.

Without him, who would have the time to do one, anyway?

* * *

_ His _ Padawan.   _ His _ responsibility.

He should’ve been watching him closer.  Should’ve known as soon as that meeting was over that the kid would go and try to find the Erso girl, tell her he was with her for as long as it took to bring down the superweapon.

Should’ve known that the kid would keep trying to get back at the Empire for as long as he lived.

And what a  _ short life _ it was, he realizes.  Thumps his head against the wall again, not picking up his mask as it slips and falls.

One Padawan.  One responsibility.

_ His _ Padawan.   _ His _ responsibility.


End file.
